A newborn and a threenager

So we brought home a newborn the other day.

This is our second child, so the lifestyle switch isn't quite as brutal. (We already weren't going out much.)

Our first child is a three-year-old boy. So, between the two kids, we can never fully focus on any one task at a time. Please take that into consideration as you read my posts going forward.

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So, some just-brought-her-home reflections:

• A major parenting shift with the second child is that N and I are surprised by less. This doesn't make stuff like "baby wakes up six times at night" physically easier (especially not on mothers), but we can mentally take more stuff in stride. We know that day/night reversal eventually ends, no child cries forever, and that she will someday take a bottle from me.

• Our three-year-old has been all over the place. He wants to be helpful and also senses that he's getting less attention. We've had to be creative in finding ways for him to help -- fetching the nursing pillow and throwing away dirty diapers have been our go-to moves. Even so, he's had some epic meltdowns. A common precursor is delaying behaviors -- for example, he'll go back and forth f-o-r-e-v-e-r when choosing his PJs. The root cause seems to be wanting sustained attention from N and me. We've had to balance a careful line of giving him attention versus not reinforcing undesirable behaviors. Like a lot of parenting moves, the outcomes are delayed, inconsistent, and hazy.  

• N and I are incredibly fortunate to be able to take lengthy breaks from our jobs. Many people don't have that luxury. Family leave policies in this country are awful for babies and parents. We reap the costs of inadequate childcare in this country in all sorts of ways -- a national birthrate that is lower than replacement level, all sorts of negative health outcomes resulting from inadequate early childhood care, to name a few. I can't help but see this as a part of a general political trend of sacrificing the future to cut costs for the present. (Also known as "cutting off one's nose to spite the face.") This is why it is maddening for politicians to treat family leave policy as a "women's issue." If we want men to better partners and fathers, give them time to do so.